My Team
The past week was one of the hardest weeks of my life. Not physically and not mentally, I've walked more and thought harder. But it was an emotional and spiritual boot camp. I am drained and confused and struggling to process everything that happened. But I have to say that it was a wonderful experience for me and I don't regret it at all.
When we got to the church on Monday it had solid white walls-
and a messy basement, where they have a free clothes closet for the community.
When we left it looked like this-
And the basement-
We also went out and surveyed the neighborhoods and talked to people on the streets. I prayed a lot. I prayed on prayer walks through neighborhoods and on street corners with homeless men and in backyards of homes and sitting on the floor of the church with my team. I prayed for believers to be strengthened and unbelievers to come to Christ. I prayed for a woman to have success in getting her daughters back from the court system because she's sober now. I prayed that a homeless man would be safe while he was sleeping in the street. I prayed that my teammate would have a chance to give her Vietnamese Bible to someone (which she did). I prayed that a man will find the truth of Christ in the Bible and stop seeing it as a guide to Zen. I prayed for people whose lives I can hardly imagine living.
I also listened. I listened to a man from Cuba tell me about how he never knows where he'll be able to get food and how he's frustrated by food pantries because they do him no good, he doesn't have a stove to cook it on or a cabinet to keep it in. I listened to a veteran tell me about what he did and the men he killed because his country asked him to, and about the fact he can still see their faces and hear their screams. I listened to a man as he struggled to put words into a coherent sentence to describe how he's trying to come clean. I listened to people tell me about lost jobs and children taken away and addictions and pain and brokenness.
I prayed and listened and prayed and listened. That was my ministry this week. Yes, I spoke some. I talked to a few people, I shared with a few. But that turned out to not be my focus. My focus was seeing and hearing. It was realizing that everybody is a person. And I know that sounds cliched and trite, but wisdom can be very simple. I realized that I had never had a conversation with a homeless person before. I thought, somehow, that I had. I assumed that I had. I saw myself as a person who loved the poor and broken and cared about them. I've often thought about how I could help them but I never made the leap to actually doing it.
I realized that I am one of "those people". You know, the ones who talk the good Christian talk but don't have the actions to back it up. It was humbling to realize that I really don't want to help people if it's going to be uncomfortable for me or interfere with my life. I found fear in my heart, fear of people different than me. And I'm not talking about something trivial like skin color or education. I'm talking about people who are different, people who do not see the world the same way that I do.
I realized this week that I am the person I have always looked down on.
It is a humbling revelation.
I've done a lot of repenting this weekend and a lot of soul searching. This is not who I want to be. And it's been good. I'm glad that the school put us out there and let us get a taste of the reality we face now, while we are together and had each other to lean on. And I am thankful that, though it hurts, God is maturing me and showing me my heart because I know He is willing and able to change it.
My TeamThe past week was one of the hardest weeks of my life. Not physically and not mentally, I've walked more and thought harder. But it was an emotional and spiritual boot camp. I am drained and confused and struggling to process everything that happened. But I have to say that it was a wonderful experience for me and I don't regret it at all.When we got to the church on Monday it had solid white walls-
and a messy basement, where they have a free clothes closet for the community.
When we left it looked like this-
And the basement-
We also went out and surveyed the neighborhoods and talked to people on the streets. I prayed a lot. I prayed on prayer walks through neighborhoods and on street corners with homeless men and in backyards of homes and sitting on the floor of the church with my team. I prayed for believers to be strengthened and unbelievers to come to Christ. I prayed for a woman to have success in getting her daughters back from the court system because she's sober now. I prayed that a homeless man would be safe while he was sleeping in the street. I prayed that my teammate would have a chance to give her Vietnamese Bible to someone (which she did). I prayed that a man will find the truth of Christ in the Bible and stop seeing it as a guide to Zen. I prayed for people whose lives I can hardly imagine living.I also listened. I listened to a man from Cuba tell me about how he never knows where he'll be able to get food and how he's frustrated by food pantries because they do him no good, he doesn't have a stove to cook it on or a cabinet to keep it in. I listened to a veteran tell me about what he did and the men he killed because his country asked him to, and about the fact he can still see their faces and hear their screams. I listened to a man as he struggled to put words into a coherent sentence to describe how he's trying to come clean. I listened to people tell me about lost jobs and children taken away and addictions and pain and brokenness.I prayed and listened and prayed and listened. That was my ministry this week. Yes, I spoke some. I talked to a few people, I shared with a few. But that turned out to not be my focus. My focus was seeing and hearing. It was realizing that everybody is a person. And I know that sounds cliched and trite, but wisdom can be very simple. I realized that I had never had a conversation with a homeless person before. I thought, somehow, that I had. I assumed that I had. I saw myself as a person who loved the poor and broken and cared about them. I've often thought about how I could help them but I never made the leap to actually doing it.I realized that I am one of "those people". You know, the ones who talk the good Christian talk but don't have the actions to back it up. It was humbling to realize that I really don't want to help people if it's going to be uncomfortable for me or interfere with my life. I found fear in my heart, fear of people different than me. And I'm not talking about something trivial like skin color or education. I'm talking about people who are different, people who do not see the world the same way that I do.I realized this week that I am the person I have always looked down on.It is a humbling revelation.I've done a lot of repenting this weekend and a lot of soul searching. This is not who I want to be. And it's been good. I'm glad that the school put us out there and let us get a taste of the reality we face now, while we are together and had each other to lean on. And I am thankful that, though it hurts, God is maturing me and showing me my heart because I know He is willing and able to change it.
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